laurelkate.com
440 Grand Ave.
Oakland, CA 94610

September 15, 2008

Subject: Laurel Kate’s Letter of Intent

To Whom It May Concern:

I intend to do things.  I have heard that education is wasted on the young.  I am young and so I wasted it, mostly.  The last couple of years were groovy because I did art and that was fun and stuff.  I drew with crayons.  So, back to my intentions… I intend to work for a while and pay back some debts that I have.  My dad once told me that you just need to die with one dollar in your bank.  I guess I can’t die yet.  Like I said, I’m young, so I wasn’t intending to die yet. So, I guess that’s another one of my intentions.  I will stay alive for as long as possible.

I also intend to go to Europe in 2012.  So I’m going to save up some monies, learn a lil’ French and have tons of fun.  To reach this lofty goal of mine I will need the will-power to save, the podcasts to teach me, and fun.  So, I intend to acquire those things. 

I intend to make friends and not enemies.  For this I will try to be nice and not too shy.  I will try not to make frenemies because I’m not sure what that is, other than the title for an episode of “Real Housewives of Orange County” that I watched once, and it just doesn’t sound all that pleasant.  It might not even be a real thing.  I think the show’s producers were just trying to be clev.

“Clev” is an abbreve for the word clever, recently made popular (in apt. # 81) by my best roomies Keighty and Raul.  I only bring that up because I intend to perpetuate the abbreve revo.  By using TA words like obvi, fave, s’orn*, and phrases like “bee tee dubs,” I will make little sense to most people, in the hopes that they too adopt my clev system of shortened speech, if for no other reason then to get a loose grasp on what I could possibly be talking about.  Trust me, it’ll be magnif.

I intend to not grow up for as long as it can be avoided.  Call it a Peter Pan complex if you will, I call it fun.  To this end, I will draw stuff with crayons.  I will use the word stuff when others would spurn it as a word lacking in formality and prosaic power.  I will love mac n cheese, prolly forever.  I intend to be foolishly optimistic and to surround myself with brightly colored things.

These are my intentions, just so you know.

Sincerely,

Laurel Kathryn Helen Sittig

Freelancer, laurelkate.com

*s’orn= a recently developed abbreve for the silent killer (or would “silent fattener” be more appropriate here?) High Fructose Corn Syrup.